July

Midsummer - I know the real midsummer was closer to the time Su died but to me this feels like midsummer.   Probably due to the school session timing in childhood!  Here I am, between - Su gone just over a month now. Next month I turn 61. The days pass quietly, hot and long, no longer does it seem that Su is just there, on the sofa, behind me in the hall, or waiting for a bit of that food I'm eating. But the tears still come. And will yet a while no doubt.

Getting maudlin in these years. Or maybe always was so since driving down the road the other day I thought of that song Those Were The Days, released in '68? Even shortly after college I'd hear that and think of days gone by and how true some bits of that song rang for me. Now even more so. The years my kids were small. The years Ray was still alive. The years I had Su... now some days it feels like all is emptiness.

And I know that years from now, I'll still hear that song in my head and the days now, the ones shortly before me, will also be recalled with fondness. So as my birthday is upon me it is time to look forward - to taking action and making sure that twenty years from now my sixties will be a time to remember.

Goodbye Su

fall 2000 - June 2012

Good dog Su, gone from my  life but not from my heart

The year slips by

half gone now. The past months have been so quiet here. My son who lived here a while to finish schooling has moved on to the job of his choice. It's just me and the animals..

which brings me to this - I think my Su dog is dying. She's had two seizures, she is anemic, her appetite is poor.. Mostly she just lies around and it seems to me that she can only walk a little bit before needing to lie down again. We've done blood work, which showed little to nothing (the anemia) and know the red blood cells are not being formed as they should be so besides meds, we can only wait, do more tests, a bone marrow test if desired, what else I do not know. But I wonder how much to do, how long to wait, as she is an old dog now and I do not want her to suffer. Su is 12 or right at it. In many ways she looks good. But the slow stiffening of joints and increasing desire to just sleep has been growing over the past few months. I knew the time would come but are we ever truly ready for it?

Su, you've been such a good dog.

Another cat

Who is that looking down at me? HB! Hongry Boy. Though lately I think he needs a new name. At a glance he looks a bit like Fela and one day when he was scratching at the door to come in, my son opened it to let in Fe then realize wait! Who is that? As the cat ran off. But HB kept coming back to scratch at the door, or hang out on top of the cat pen watching us. After three months or so I could touch him and found all of his ribs easily so we fed him routinely. Wondering all the while what next?

Once I could catch him it was off to the vet. My assumption was that would be the end - a stray tom, what were the odds he would be free of FIV or feline leukemia? Not much is what I thought.

HB surprised us. He was declared disease free, about five years old, and intact. That last soon changed and he came back home with me to live in the cat pen for a week.

Now he runs free again but is content to stay in the yard most of the time, just lounging around, waiting for the next meal. Sometimes he comes inside to eat. When I open the door to see if he would like to go back he looks at me and lies down. Why would I want to do That he seems to be saying. I'll stay in where the gig is good and some more food please!

Ah yes this is what I'd rather be doing (see that cat?) snoozing in the comfort of my bed. But since I can't go to sleep due to too many small discomforts (oh the joys of an aging body!) I'll post an update and let him sleep.

Went to see the doctor and found out about the blood work. It was done last August. No wonder I could not remember it! And everything was perfect. Ideal she said. Very healthy she said.

Then we talked about other things! Oh my. Well it's all good. Will see a dermatologist for a skin check, purely  because one should now and then. Will see a neuro doc about my back in hopes of finding relief from the pain. That would be nice! Will see.. well it doesn't matter but I guess in the end there were four referrals and some we forgot to get to my relief. She'll catch me later I am sure, as in April when my re-check date is scheduled.

Mom is still in the SNF, and getting better but we fear not doing well enough for us to feel secure about her living alone again. Who knows! She can do what she wants, I just hope she does not fall again. There are no easy answers for that situation, as she really does not want to move into a senior living place.

Time for bed here. I'll have to shove the cat over!

Some days...

I just feel so confused.  Not long ago I had a phone call and was busy doing something else so admit to not paying a lot of attention to the first sentence or two. But then I am asked when I can come in to discuss the results of my blood work. This does not help my confusion. Blood work? What blood work? I need to come in and do blood work? No, this is about the one you had done. Well news to me. Which doctor I wonder so ask in a way to pretend I know, where do I need to go? He tells me what clinic and that clears that up. I am still confused. There is absolutely NO recollection in my brain of having  blood work done. This would be funny except it is driving me nuts. At least I will get to find out later this month when I go see the doctor.

When  my mom has days like this she  thinks it is due to her age. Am not quite sure what excuse I want to use.

Mom

Mom fell and broke her arm. Who knew how hard that could be to deal with for her, for us? They can't set it due to location. She is in a SNF for now, needing help with simple things - like getting up! The rest of the family is near enough to go visit her daily. All I can do is sit here and think about her, hope it gets better for her, wish things did not have to be hard for her at this point. But for many it is it seems, more often than not, and frequently much worse than it is for her now. You start to really feel the years that have gone by, when your mom is 87, hurting, and might not go home again. No more acting like things will never change, and on to accepting and dealing with what is - as best we can.

Goodbye 2011

Not a very memorable year for me unless I count turning 60 as something big. Well it is in a way. Officially joining the ranks of AARP now! oh what fun!

A rather uneventful year but that has its good points. No big highs and no deep lows. Ah peacefulness! So I find myself not that interested in keeping this up yet not letting it go, hence a short rather dull end of year post.

Happy New Year everyone!

On the road again

Fall in Kentucky

Cats!

 Precious sleeping in the cradle

 Mellow waiting by the go-out spot (they all figure that out so fast!)

 Angel has claimed her spot on the cat tree.

BK doing what BK loves best, chowing down.
Not pictured, Fela and Lucky who are outside enjoying the morning!

Grapes!

Planted three years ago to shade the cat pen I never gave much thought to fruit. It is loaded with lovely clusters and my phone really does not show them well. The birds have finally discovered them though so will no doubt get most. Happy eating birds!

Doodling, now new and improved

Oh the latest thing that has crossed my path has surely got to be an inspired way to kill time: Zentangle®.

Now this is not particularly new. I can find references to it from 2009 and admit I made no effort to look back further. It is new to me and I'm sure many have yet to hear of it or try it. At first I was amused. Then hooked. This is fun! and takes focus if one wants a neat result. Hence the "zen" in the name, as it becomes a way to meditate, focus and relax. Zentangle takes doodling to an entirely new level. Creating tangles can even leave you with a free form drawing worth hanging on your wall or a way to decorate a pair of shoes. Whatever you do with it, you are sure to enjoy it!

You can find information on youtube (of course) and on the web. Just know that the word Zentangle has been patented, so giving credit where credit is certainly due - check out these links!

http://www.zentangle.com/index.php

http://www.squidoo.com/how-to-zentangle

http://www.sakuraofamerica.com/Zentangle

http://www.youtube.com/user/Zentangle

http://www.flickr.com/groups/zentangle/

Alone in West Texas

Temporarily, as son is off in Europe! what a cool trip he has had the opportunity to take. It is a college course affair and they are hitting several cities. I do believe I envy him. It took him a while to decide to go, or so it appeared to me, while I was saying Go Go Go!! Can't wait to hear all about it when he gets back.

So, alone. It's not half bad. Nothing really changed. Same routine. None of his tales of school or biking to entertain me but am pleased to think of him in Europe seeing all the sights and learning.

Meanwhile the cat is having to adjust. No John to pick on. She can't go to the living room and meow for him to let her out, then run around to the back yard, slip in the window and return to the living room to meow for him to let her out. Again and again. No, instead she is harassing me. Not as much fun I am sure since this crabby person refuses to open the front door for her. However with it getting warmer the window is closed so I have to open a door for her. If only I could tune out her little high pitched mew. Which would not really help as the dog thinks the cats should have the door opened for them when they ask and if mom does not notice, she points the situation out to mom. Sigh. I might as well give up.

So, not totally alone. There's four cats and a dog. Amazing how much attention and time they take up!

What do I want in my life?

I read an interesting post a while back. It seemed like a good one to just think about, and to make my own list. Check theirs out:

http://down---to---earth.blogspot.com/2010/12/being-satisfied-with-enough.html

I do not want to repeat their list here obviously, so go read it! but much of what is there would be my own desires as well. These days as a widow and soon to live alone (son has been here finishing his Master's) it seems good to give this some thought and action to make it happen!

One we all need/want =

• a reason to get up every morning

You'd think that would just be built in but the number of people on anti-depressants might be a clue that for a lot of us, it is not. Or perhaps I should say a better reason than just having to let the dog out!

Being 'retired' if I can call it that, not ever having a full time job in years, instead of constructive fulfilling job I will put down :

• a way to give back to society

Feeling productive usually means greater satisfaction. There is always that need to feel needed, somehow, somewhere. Fortunately it is in our power to make that happen. There are many volunteer opportunites all around us. The group I like to volunteer with is Christian Women's Job Corps.

Then:

• to keep learning


• keep family ties strong, by putting love and tolerance into action and the effort required to keep relationships strong


• to live consciously as much as I can


• to be faithful in my Christian walk

Enough to keep me busy, or as busy as I want to be! Just have to work on that number one, though perhaps the rest of them answer that one.

What would your list be?

Fela's new hair cut

This is what happens when you don't brush :)

Welcome 2011

Not sure I ever thought about this year back when it was .. oh.. 2000...   I can't imagine 2021 now  so that's not peculiar. What a year 2021 sounds like! Something so far into the future!

Oh well today is now and it is a new year so off we go with New Year type things.

Money.  Always number one with me! I ran across this article and don't we all remember those seven habits books? Being frugal is now the 'in' thing so this is perfect to begin my year with -

7 Habits of Highly Frugal People

With the economy the way it is today perhaps the book will make a comeback and do better than it did in '89!

One sentence in this stands out as I have heard it so many times before - between the stimulus and your response is your freedom to choose your response -  and that applies to money, food, conversations with others, anything we do. Live consciously (another favorite of mine). Make better choices. Choose your response.

Perhaps having a reactive dog it means more today than it did say.. ten years ago or so. Su is 12 now, and we have worked hard to help her be a better dog. Today she is a lovely pet but there is still that underlying issue of the reactive dog. I suppose no matter how much I want to choose more wisely, to stop and think, it will always be something I will struggle with rather than something that is automatic.

So here's to better responses in 2010!

and just because I like pictures here is one of my occasional assistant:

And it is Christmas!! Yee Haaa!

So sorry, no snow pics, no snow here.
No tree pics, no tree here.
Just cats, dog, and son John.
 No turkey either.

Will left over roast do?

 Enjoying my Christmas, hope you are enjoying yours too!

Happy Thanksgiving

happy turkey day to everyone. I am back in Texas and (gasp!) actually cooking a turkey. Figured Suza would enjoy pressure cooked turkey remains and we might enjoy bits of it ourselves. Can't believe I'm not just planning on Denny's. Well that might happen too...

In the forties here? and will warm up to high fifties? yikes. At least we don't have the white stuff.

You all stay warm!

Vinegar or honey?

I have always liked the little book Silver Boxes: the Gift of Encouragement for what it has to say about our words. Words can hurt or they can help. Which do you choose?

Then I thought about that old saying, "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar". My grandmother introduced me to that proverb when I was young. Apparently it comes from Torriano's 'Common Place of Italian Proverbs' (1666). Though I suspect most of us would be more familiar with it in Benjamin Franklin's 'Poor Richard's Almanac'.  

Then I thought about a person I knew as a teen who made up a honey/vinegar combination - basically tablespoon of apple cider vinegar and a tablespoon of raw honey plus water, a freshing drink that is supposed to cure about anything that ails you.

Well you know what? It does not take a lot of vinegar to spoil the sweet taste of honey (unless you like vinegar) and it takes a bunch of honey to overpower vinegar. (I do like the mix but just thinking of the pure taste of honey vs vinegar here.) So what if I applied all of the above to my words?

When speaking to others do you serve them vinegar or honey? A mix of the two might be fine yet I suspect that then, you need to have more honey than vinegar for the vinegar-y words to be well accepted. If you mainly hand out vinegar, can you really expect people to keep coming back for more? I'll go along with the thought that a bit of vinegar might make the honey seem even better but will leave with this thought..

Remember in your relationships, whether it is friends or children: 
                         You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar!


Happy trails!

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August vacation

Took a trip to California again, this time went up to Zion National Park. We even stopped by the north rim of the Grand Canyon. Spectacular country! Enjoyed the walk up the river even while struggling with the many slippery rocks under that water. At one point a doe came running down through the river and then up on a bank, trying to hide from all the people. We wondered if she'd fallen in further up where the banks are quite steep.

Grand Canyon

Zion

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